Whelp

The laptop finally gave out. Well, not the laptop itself, but its charger. That happened about a week ago, approximately the time of my last post. It sucks, because now any lengthy writing or correspondence is a huge pain in the behind.

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I was working on "building mastery," a DBT skill about accomplishing small tasks throughout the day to build up good feelings of accomplishment and reward. I've still been doing that most days. It's frustrating sometimes to feel like the only one trying, but I'm proud of myself for fighting that depressive tendency to do nothing.

I see the doctor tomorrow, and I have a few concerns to address with him, mostly pertaining to lamotrigine. I have been increasing the dose regularly, and right now am sitting at 150mg. Before now the side effects were very mild, but the jump up to 150 has brought them out in force. Exhibit A: excruciating, skull-crushing headaches, almost every evening. They wrap around the back of my head like a vice, and throb violently every time I try to take a step and/or move around. The pain continues down my neck as well. It feels like being beaten with a steel-plated two-by-four. Exhibit B: my legs and feet fall asleep all the time, and I'm not talking about sitting on the floor Indian-style. I will be just sitting on the couch, with my feet on the floor, and I will feel the tingle start in my pinky toe and shoot up my leg.

The last symptom I'm having is of unknown origin. I still feel somewhat depressed and irritable (like a very minor level as opposed to before), and I feel like my affect has been blunted. Like I don't really feel things intensely, or that I'm not capable of becoming excited about things. I don't particularly hate feeling more stoic, but I think it bothers Kris. I'm just predominantly indifferent to most things.

Now I have to spend time calling insurance companies and getting shit figured out. Alas.