I have a lot of anxiety and fear surrounding opening mail, mostly because of how much money I owe to various debtors (thanks bipolar, for giving me that urge to spend recklessly!), so it doesn't happen too often. Yesterday I opened up some mail from the HR department at my work, and their letter said that I would only be entitled to 80% short-term disability through this week... and next week it would decrease to 60% of my normal pay. That won't work for me, financially, so I have to go back to work even though I don't feel ready. I feel tired. I feel pretty anxious, but don't want to be taking Xanax every day. I'm not ruminating on thoughts of suicide anymore, and I'm not prone to blind rages like I was a few weeks ago...but still, not doing great. So yesterday I called the doctor's office and arranged to come in today to a) extend my leave through this week b) sign off on FMLA paperwork to allow me time off to go to therapy and c) get prescribed something to help with this constant fog my brain is in.
So Dr Yasar wrote me a script for methylphenidate, better known as Ritalin, 10mg twice daily. Told me to take a break from it on weekends and see him back in two weeks. So... we'll see how that goes tomorrow and hopefully I'll feel up to working like I used to.
Tomorrow my goal is to call Patience and talk to her about being back to work tomorrow. Super nervous, and needing the kick in the butt from the Ritalin to get it done.
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