I held back on posting until today because I wanted to make sure that Dexedrine was not singlehandedly responsible for my elevated mood, because I don't take it on weekends. Turns out, it isn't. I started to feel better sometime this last week. By better, I mean I felt less like I was clinging for dear life to the back of an electric bull, and more like I was in control of my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's because of the higher dose of lamotrigine, maybe it's because therapy with a therapist I like is making it easier for me to use that space to explore my negative feelings and leave them there. Maybe it is the dex. Hell, maybe it's the Seroquel. I don't really care, wherever it's coming from, I like it.
I've seen big improvements in impulse control too. I haven't spent a dime on nail polish or any other impulse buys since March 3rd. I am in the market for new base and top coat, but instead of spending real money, I'll be using some gift card rewards from work. I allowed myself $20 of $90 in rewards for the beauty supply store next month.
I am remaining cautiously optimistic that once my lithium blood levels are where they need to be, and once I'm at a good therapeutic dosage of the lamotrigine, that I'll be set to stay on the same cocktail for more than a month or two. I feel like a new person, like I'm on the right track. It's a good feeling.
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