So, I'm seeing noticeable improvements in my mood and anxiety. I credit Abilify with this. I'm not ruminating and panicking so much anymore. However, I am really struggling with the grogginess. I'm drinking a soda right now, despite having mostly cut that out, because if I don't get some caffeine in me I'll definitely go back to bed. Sleep is so much better with Remeron. I am sleeping peacefully through the night, for about 7-8 hours each night. I think the Remeron can also be credited with some of my improvement in mood and anxiety. Only one bizarre and emotional dream so far, most nights are dream-free, depending on how much herbal medication I use that night. Sometimes I can fight off the Remeron, but I've found that if I'm still not falling asleep, some Benadryl or a Sonata will do the trick, and I'm out like a light.
I'm so tired during the day though. I keep hoping and hoping that this will wear off, because I believe it's the Abilify. Been feeling this droopy drowsy groggy feeling since the first day I started taking it. The only days where I've been able to get anything done have been the days where I took Adderall. Luckily, since the Adderall doesn't affect my sleep (short-acting... the extended release Adderall was the worst though, kept me up for days...apparently my sleep is very sensitive to medications) I can continue taking it without any ill-effects, and I'm good on supply for now, but we'll see what Dr Yasar wants to do with me as far as stimulants in the future. With each passing day, I'm convinced that I need something to get me going, especially on Abilify.
I just asked Kristina, and she confirms that the Abilify has made me less irritable and improved my mood. I have also definitely noticed that my issues with word recall and short term memory have gotten better over time. But I'm still slow and dulled, which irritates Kristina to no end.
Speaking of Kristina, I finally dragged her in to Dr Yasar's office. She confessed to me that she's been having panic attacks regularly for a few months, where she will cry and gulp down air and get flushed and sweaty. No good! So we got her set up on Zoloft with Xanax p.r.n. for panic attacks, and she also is taking gabapentin for sleep and fibromyalgia. I'm glad that she's getting treatment, especially for the fibromyalgia pain. She's got it really bad, especially in the arms. Around her elbows she's so tender that she will cry from pain just from my touching her there. It's absolutely bizarre how someone can be in so much pain without a physical injury! I am so hopeful that Kristina will have improvement on medications, like I have.
It's been a while since I was really at my worst with anxiety and panic. The citalopram, thank goodness, solves that problem for me. It really keeps my anxiety at bay and helps me not to dwell on things like I used to. I can survive social situations, though I still avoid them. My life without citalopram is a very dark place. I wish it was all I needed, but sadly, I'm still at sub-par occupational functioning even with it. I'm really feeling better than I have in years though. If it weren't for this persistent tired, lethargic feeling I would be enthused. I'm thinking probably an increase in Adderall and I should be doing great. I've never before in life been as optimistic as I am now. I was such a skeptic, and so wary of the cost, but Abilify is actually amazing. Perhaps the only good thing to come out of Japan.
I'm rambling (no Adderall, so I'm all over the place) so that's enough for now!
PS Today was my last dose (maybe ever) of Wellbutrin. How strange.
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