Goals

Kris has designated 2012 as the year of health, wealth, and cleanliness. Rather than making absolutist resolutions, as are so popular at this time of year, I am going to make goals that I will strive to reach daily. I'm going for concrete and attainable.


Health
1. Take all the medications I'm supposed to take daily, daily.  In 2011, when I had a doctor to see (big transition to a new practice) I took my medications most days, but sometimes forgot on weekends. I would rationalize this behavior, telling myself that it's normal to take a break from the adderall to prevent tolerance. I will aim for consistent daily medication and not make excuses not to take my pills.
2. Take a multivitamin on most days. I have a bottle sitting on my desk, there's no excuse.
3. Drink at least one bottle of water during the day. Start and end the day with a full glass. I don't want to get into too much detail, but I haven't been drinking enough water lately and adderall is a salt, so it depletes my body's water. This has resulted in an extremely uncomfortable situation that has tempted me to buy old person products, like Preparation H and something ominously referred to as "stool softener". More water is necessary.
4. Blog once each week. As I alluded in a previous post, I don't do well with therapists. I'm not the kind of personality that just gets along with everyone - which I'm okay with. But I need a way to process the things that I struggle with, and this seems like as good a way as any.

Wealth
1. Limit recreational spending to what is within our means. Money is a big source of my anxiety lately, and 2011 was a year of many fiscal bad habits. My problem is that spending money gives me a sense of pleasure and satisfaction, so since those emotions are relatively rare in my psyche, I tend to do it more often than I should. Which then results in panic and fear, which prompts me to want to spend to make myself feel better.
2. At some point in the year, speak with a debt counselor to figure out my best course of action. A credit card money judgement, medical bills in default and a sub-500 credit score are not a good thing, and will definitely come back to bite me. If I ever expect to own a house, it has to change. Has to.

Cleanliness
1. Do a household chore on my lunch break at least twice each week.
2. Rinse my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I'm terrible about dishes, and forgetful, so I will aim to improve my dish hygiene... I'm sure Kristina will thank me for that one.

I think these goals are reachable and healthy. I'm going to write them all down on a piece of paper and hang it on my bulletin board in the office. I'll see it most days, and be reminded. This strategy worked once in the past--when I lived in the dorms at Oregon, I struggled academically. The first term where I was taking antidepressants I made this little page that I taped to the ceiling over the bed that said "A+ ONLY." I didn't get only A-pluses, but I did get one, and a couple of B's, and didn't fail anything, which was great. I don't expect perfect compliance, but I want to make tangible improvements in my quality of life.

At my last appointment, which was about a week ago, my doctor switched me from Ambien to Sonata. With no aid, it will take me 3-5 hours to fall asleep. Ambien cut it down to one hour tops and then it was a deep, lovely sleep, but with awful headaches the next day. With Sonata, the headaches are gone, but it's also not as effective. If I'm in a particularly wired state, I can stay awake until it wears off, and then have to take another. I don't know what we'll try next. part of me thinks the Sonata plus better sleep hygiene will be okay. Kristina always has to sleep with the TV on, but I find the light and noise distracting and it keeps me awake. I got an eye mask to wear while sleeping, which has done well for blocking out most of the flickering light, and I'm hoping that just keeping the volume turned down low will be enough. I have a few weeks until my appointment, so I'll try it and hope it works.

I'm pretty sure I'm never going to give anyone the link to this blog. It just makes me feel better to have somewhere to organize my thoughts.